CHAPTER 4--ROYAL FREAKING FLUSH

R

emember when I first met Louie, years back before our world began to unravel with the gunning down of a psychopathic blackjack spoilsport. He was sitting at one of the modern sit-down slots-you know the ones that are flat and take dollars, and you can set your drinks in trays. And he was playing the slots, and just kept losing, and every time he lost, he let out a boisterous laugh.

I dug a quarter out of my pocket, and slipped it into the groove. Pressed the button. Bonk. Damn quartermania machine. Lets out a loud, annoying horn whistle even if you triple a lousy quarter. Makes you think you hit the jackpot. Louie looked over at me and smiled.

"God's smiling on you today, amigo."

"Not much of a smile," I mumbled to myself.

I got up and walked a few feet to a video poker machine-Deuces Wild Double Down. At least with them poker games, I can at least have a strategy. I plunked in a few quarters.

I hit the deal button.

Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep.

A deuce. A jack of hearts, A nine of hearts. And two red fives.

The machine chirped the song that I had won. Three of a kind,

Oh wow, like stop the presses.

Time to celebrate. Yeah, right. Nine coins. $2.25. It asked "Double Down?" "Yeah, why not," I asked. 18 coins are better than nine. Of course, Queen, you know how this double down thing works on these games. Computer picks a card, and you pick one and if yours is higher you double your money. I picked an eight. Computer picked a queen. All of a sudden Louie came up behind me.

"How's your luck today, amigo?" he asked.

"Oh, it’s not so hot, today. Oh, my luck sucks, to tell you the honest truth," I said.

All of a sudden, Louie, with his one good arm, reached over and fed five quarters into the machine. "Press the button, amigo," he said to me. "Let's watch God's will in action."

"What do you mean, God's will?"

"What I mean is that when I was growing up and going to Catholic Mass with my parents, I remember getting this message that like, God has a will for me, and I have my will, and I have to figure out what his will is and align mine with his. But then I think it's like he made me, and everything around me. He's making it happen. And it dawns on me; I don't have to figure it out. God's will is what happens. Even found a thing in the Bible where it says that God creates good and evil. Trippy man. Think about it, like, God makes everything happen. Life, it’s a gift."

"You think too much kid."

"Push the button, and accept whatever happens as what is supposed to happen."

I pushed the button.

Now you know me, Queen: I never expect to win on these things, except of course when I've got the magic box. And then I know it's not going to be more than what the thing will spit out. These guys remember who they shell out the green to. And then there's that tax problem. Win more than $1200 and you got the IRS and authorities getting notified. So I really didn't know how to handle what was about to happen.

The machine spit out 4/5ths of a Royal Flush. All I needed was an Ace of Clubs to win $1300 bucks. Without really thinking I held my four cards, ditched the 2 of Spades and watched as the machine obligingly dished out an Ace of Clubs.

Ring a ling a ling. Ding. Ding. Ding. Spinning lights. Sirens. Bells. Whistles.

"Oh, my my," Louie said, his mouth agape. "This is the first time this has ever happened to me. God loves surprises."

"You and me both," I said under my breath.

Heads began to turn in our direction. Naturally, I panicked. Telling Louie that I in no time to explain, I grabbed him-for the first time really noticing that he only had one arm-and sat him down on my stool. He did not resist, but mounted a verbal protest. "Amigo, it is you who…"

"Do me a big favor, the biggest favor in the fucking world, and just sit here and act like you won."

Instinctively, Louie seemed to understand. The guys showed up and people crowded around. I stood back and mixed in as the guys counted out 13 crisp $100 bills for a grateful Louie, whose warm, innocent smile betrayed the ungodly nature of the casino.

Like a lamb amongst the wolves.